We are living in what could be called the age of narcissism. From the intimate setting of families to the highest levels of global leadership, narcissistic functioning has seeped into our cultural fabric. The good news is that by naming it, we can begin to recognise patterns, reduce its influence, and create healthier ways of relating, both personally and politically.
What Narcissism Looks Like in Families
Narcissism in families often shows up through conditional love, manipulation, and a lack of empathy. Children may be valued for their achievements or compliance rather than for who they truly are. Parents may withhold affection or approval as a means of control. This leaves deep wounds: feelings of rejection, confusion, and a constant hunger for validation. In these dynamics, vulnerability is often punished rather than welcomed. To survive, family members may learn to silence their true selves or to mirror the narcissist in order to keep the peace. Over time, this erodes trust and connection.
Narcissism in Institutions and Leadership
The same dynamics are visible on a broader stage. In politics, business, and institutions, narcissistic functioning shows up as:
- Authoritarianism and control: leaders demanding loyalty but offering little accountability.
- Image over substance: decisions made for the sake of appearances rather than genuine impact.
- Exploitation of vulnerability: prioritising profit, power, or control at the expense of the common good.
- Materialism and capitalism without restraint: elevating consumption and wealth as measures of worth, while human connection, care, and community are neglected.
This is why we see a rise in authoritarian leaders, populist movements, and the dangerous pull of fascism. Narcissism thrives in systems where empathy is seen as weakness and domination is mistaken for strength.
The Cultural Cost
A culture steeped in narcissism leaves people disconnected, mistrustful, and polarised. Families fracture. Communities become competitive rather than collaborative. Nations divide along lines of fear and resentment. At its core, narcissism erodes belonging, trust and connection, the very things human beings need most.
Pathways to Repair
While this picture may sound bleak, recognition is the first step toward repair. Once we can see narcissism for what it is, a defence against vulnerability, we can begin to choose differently.
- In families: Healing begins when we foster open communication, practice empathy, and learn to accept one another’s authentic selves. Therapy can help untangle unhealthy dynamics and build resilience.
- In institutions: Leaders who embrace accountability, transparency, and humility create cultures where people thrive. The antidote to narcissistic leadership is service leadership: putting the needs of the people first.
- In culture: Shifting away from materialism toward values of connection, care, and sustainability can help heal the collective wound.
Christian John, in an interview with Jared Mello, said that the way to combat narcissism is by being “vulnerable and authentic”. Vulnerability opens the door to empathy, and authenticity builds trust. Together, empathy and authenticity, and the ability to recognise untruth, dismantle the facade that narcissism depends upon.
Choosing a Different Age
If narcissism has defined our age, perhaps the next age could be defined by something greater: compassion, authenticity, and community. The invitation is to look inward as much as outward, to repair the fractures within our families and ourselves while holding leaders accountable for the cultures they shape. The age of narcissism need not be our future. By choosing empathy over ego, and authenticity over facade, we can step into an age of repair. And having new awareness within therapeutic institutions (see Moving from Blame to Understanding: The Identified Patient in Modern Therapy).
A Gentle Turning Inward
As we begin to see the threads of narcissism woven through our families, our institutions, and our culture, it is easy to feel overwhelmed or even disheartened. But change always begins in the smallest of spaces, the space within ourselves.
We all carry some degree of narcissistic defence. We all, at times, protect ourselves with masks, avoid our vulnerabilities, or seek validation in ways that keep us at arm’s length from others. Recognising this truth is the first step toward compassion, both for ourselves and for those who hurt us.
Therapy teaches us that healing is not about erasing the past or fixing others, but about returning to our own authenticity. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we invite connection. When we listen with empathy, we repair fractures that once felt unbridgeable. And when we choose honesty over image, we begin to create the kind of culture, whether in our families, workplaces, or communities, that feels safe and life-giving.
I invite you to pause for a moment and reflect:
- Where do you notice the pull of image over authenticity in your own life?
- What happens when you soften, even slightly, into vulnerability?
- How might you bring more empathy toward yourself and others into your daily interactions?
These small acts of awareness are seeds. They may not change the world overnight, but they can transform the basis of our relationships. And as enough of us tend to this inner work, we create ripples outward toward a gentler, more compassionate world. The age of narcissism may be upon us. As we seek repair, it may be an opportunity to say collectively that we will not tolerate a lack of self-awareness. We seek authentically, each moment of courage in vulnerability is a quiet rebellion against a culture and history of facade. By bringing this narrative into the open, we shape the future.
A Grounding Practice: Returning to Authenticity
If you feel unsettled by reflecting on themes of emotional immaturity, facade, or narcissism and their presence in the world, here is a simple practice to help you return to yourself. You don’t need any special equipment, just a few quiet minutes.
Taking full responsibility for your wellbeing, in a safe, comfortable place.
- Find your breath: Sit comfortably and let your attention settle on your breathing. Notice the gentle rise and fall of your chest. Without changing anything, simply be with your breath.
- Anchor in the body: Bring awareness to where your body meets the ground or chair beneath you. Feel the support holding you. Move your feet and hands slightly to remind yourself: I am here and supported by the chair, bed, or ground.
- Name what is real: Silently name three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can feel. This anchors you in the present moment, the only place authenticity truly lives.
- Soften into truth: Place a hand gently on your chest or your heart. Ask yourself: What part of me longs to be seen right now? Allow whatever arises to be there without judgment.
- Close with intention: When you feel ready, take one deeper breath and offer yourself a kind thought, such as: May I be gentle with myself. May I be real. May I belong.
This practice is not about “fixing” anything. It is about remembering that behind the masks and defences, you already carry authenticity within you. Returning to it, even for a few moments, is an act of quiet repair.
